It was only as the smell of the smoke from the candles drifted towards me that I realised what Benedict's idea was. I almost tumbled off my rope ladder with the table and when a jolt as I realised what date it was, and what that meant. It was April 21st 2014, James's thirty-fifth birthday. I gazed through the rungs of the ladder at the climbing frame.was crouched under the boldest branches of the forest's furthest out trees, the leaves tickling it's upper supports. Benedict was sat on crossed legs in the main hut of the frame and sure enough, there was a birthday cake sat a few centimetres in front of him. It had eight candles, separated into one group of three and one group of five. I prime this was to represent three-five, thirty-five.
I whipped my head around to face James, Annisa and Hanien, who were struggling up a vertical wall made of uniform logs. I had always hatred that wall. Most of the time I used to come here, I was a little kid. I haven't grown up or out of play-parks, at least on the inside, but I used to be far too short to struggle even halfway up that wall. I'm probably tall enough to do it now, but I still hold a grudge. With James, though, I reckoned I would feel like a gymnast.
I turned back around towards Benedict, who winked at me and raised a finger to his lips.
I nodded and mouthed "Help?"
He smiled and nodded at me and made a mime of lifting the cake then dropping it. I scuttled down the ladder and glanced at James. He had moved around to a triangular prism shaped framework with a floor of a sturdy-roped net. It led up the short lip of the bowl in which the play-park was held. Eliphia was nimbly picking her way up it with the grace of a faerie. James was sat halfway up the lower-right slanted support beam, watching her idly. The smell of the forest drifted from their direction and almost dispelled the stink of the candles.
Oh, candles! I thought. Right, the cake.
I hopped onto the first step of the climbing frame and whispered, "What do you need me to do?"
Benedict scratched his head and screwed up his mouth.
"Um," he murmured, "Just hold this above your head and stay there."
He gestured for me to step back down to the ground. Once I had, he steadily handed me out the cake and motioned for me to stay completely still. My hands were rigid above my head and I felt that if I moved a muscle, the cake would tumble to the ground. Consequently, I didn't see where Benedict went but I presumed that he would take the money-hang out the other side. Sure enough, moments later I heard him drop to the ground with the soft padded sound created by pine needles.
He lowered the cake off my head and smiled at me.
"You really like him, don't you?" Benedict asked with a hint of surprise.
"What? Who?" I asked defensively.
"You don't have to pretend," Benedict assured me, "It's okay."
I smiled and dipped my head slightly. "Hey, you should be used to this kind of thing though. Loads of girls 'really like' you."
Benedict shrugged in mock-modesty and groined like we were sharing a secret.
"Come on," he murmured.
We circled around through the edge of the forest, skirting around the leafiest trees in a bid not to let the candles get snuffed out. Once err neared the edge of the bowl, Benedict scrambled up the lip and I handed him up the cake. From there on he carried it and I scouted past the bushes to check where James was. As fate would have it, he was playing on the monkey-bars that Benedict had dropped from only moments before. I scuttled back to Benedict and informed him of this.
"Okay then," Benedict urged, "Start singing."
I nodded and shouted as loud as I could, "Happy birthdaaay to youuuu!"
James thumped suddenly to the ground and scrambled to his feet. Eliphia swung off the net to face us and everyone else swivelled around to smile at us.
"Happy birthday toooooo you," we all sang. I glanced at Benedict as we continued, "Happy birthday dear Jamesy! Happy birthday toooooo youuuuu."
Benedict set the cake on a picnic table and embraced James. He turned to Eliphia and I next, wrapping us into a bear-hug. By now, everyone else had gathered around James and he gestured for everyone to join the hug. Then it felt like we were in the middle of a swarm of happiness.
It evaporated after a few moments and James moved over to the cake. He crouched down and gently blew out the candles, then reached for a knife that Benedict had set down and began cutting slices of cake. I have never liked cake and it turned out Tom didn't either, so Benedict handed us a tin of shortbread to share.
I whipped my head around to face James, Annisa and Hanien, who were struggling up a vertical wall made of uniform logs. I had always hatred that wall. Most of the time I used to come here, I was a little kid. I haven't grown up or out of play-parks, at least on the inside, but I used to be far too short to struggle even halfway up that wall. I'm probably tall enough to do it now, but I still hold a grudge. With James, though, I reckoned I would feel like a gymnast.
I turned back around towards Benedict, who winked at me and raised a finger to his lips.
I nodded and mouthed "Help?"
He smiled and nodded at me and made a mime of lifting the cake then dropping it. I scuttled down the ladder and glanced at James. He had moved around to a triangular prism shaped framework with a floor of a sturdy-roped net. It led up the short lip of the bowl in which the play-park was held. Eliphia was nimbly picking her way up it with the grace of a faerie. James was sat halfway up the lower-right slanted support beam, watching her idly. The smell of the forest drifted from their direction and almost dispelled the stink of the candles.
Oh, candles! I thought. Right, the cake.
I hopped onto the first step of the climbing frame and whispered, "What do you need me to do?"
Benedict scratched his head and screwed up his mouth.
"Um," he murmured, "Just hold this above your head and stay there."
He gestured for me to step back down to the ground. Once I had, he steadily handed me out the cake and motioned for me to stay completely still. My hands were rigid above my head and I felt that if I moved a muscle, the cake would tumble to the ground. Consequently, I didn't see where Benedict went but I presumed that he would take the money-hang out the other side. Sure enough, moments later I heard him drop to the ground with the soft padded sound created by pine needles.
He lowered the cake off my head and smiled at me.
"You really like him, don't you?" Benedict asked with a hint of surprise.
"What? Who?" I asked defensively.
"You don't have to pretend," Benedict assured me, "It's okay."
I smiled and dipped my head slightly. "Hey, you should be used to this kind of thing though. Loads of girls 'really like' you."
Benedict shrugged in mock-modesty and groined like we were sharing a secret.
"Come on," he murmured.
We circled around through the edge of the forest, skirting around the leafiest trees in a bid not to let the candles get snuffed out. Once err neared the edge of the bowl, Benedict scrambled up the lip and I handed him up the cake. From there on he carried it and I scouted past the bushes to check where James was. As fate would have it, he was playing on the monkey-bars that Benedict had dropped from only moments before. I scuttled back to Benedict and informed him of this.
"Okay then," Benedict urged, "Start singing."
I nodded and shouted as loud as I could, "Happy birthdaaay to youuuu!"
James thumped suddenly to the ground and scrambled to his feet. Eliphia swung off the net to face us and everyone else swivelled around to smile at us.
"Happy birthday toooooo you," we all sang. I glanced at Benedict as we continued, "Happy birthday dear Jamesy! Happy birthday toooooo youuuuu."
Benedict set the cake on a picnic table and embraced James. He turned to Eliphia and I next, wrapping us into a bear-hug. By now, everyone else had gathered around James and he gestured for everyone to join the hug. Then it felt like we were in the middle of a swarm of happiness.
It evaporated after a few moments and James moved over to the cake. He crouched down and gently blew out the candles, then reached for a knife that Benedict had set down and began cutting slices of cake. I have never liked cake and it turned out Tom didn't either, so Benedict handed us a tin of shortbread to share.
We left James alone in the climbing frame to call Anne-Marie and Brendan, choosing a spot on the net that Eliphia had been climbing on. We sprawled out on the net, relaxing in the sun that was spurting through the trees. The heat pounded on me like a tight hug from my Grandpa and the scents of the forest and the smoke mingled to create the image of a barbecue in my mind. I lay back and tried to picture climbing around the 3-D maze with James.
All I could think of was our meeting with Paul. James didn't deserve this, especially not on his birthday. He had made a mistake. He had ignored Paul when he needed him most. But surely the fact that he'd been there for Paul even when he hadn't been required counted for something. Yes, I was excited about meeting Jan and Tara but my fear was beginning to creep up on me. Paul was unpredictable ... and furious with James.
"So are you playing?" Isaac asked. He had directed the question toward Annisa but it jolted me back to the conversation.
"Sure." Annisa nodded, "How about you, Jo?"
I faltered, "I - uh - um."
"It's okay if you weren't listening," Lucìa assured me, "We're all a little ... distracted."
I nodded in recognition that we all shared the same fears and asked, "So what are we playing?"
"Extreme pass the parcel," Benedict announced with a smile, "Everyone is stationed on different obstacles and you have to run between them to get the parcel to the other people. It's classic so it's the type where you unwrap layers and to stop people from dawdling so that they get to unlock a layer, I have a timer that beeps every seven seconds and you have to get the package to the next person before it beeps or you forfeit any layer you win."
"What music are we using?" I asked.
"'Don't stop me now'," Benedict replied, "I have it on loop on my iPod."
We all nodded in unison, an approving round of agreement that this was in fact James's favourite song. After a few moments, James strolled over towards us and, seemingly having already been informed of the game, asked who was standing where to start.
I hurtled away from the monkey-bars and barrelled into the log wall. I dragged myself up and thumped the package into Annisa's waiting hand. She, in turn, rocketed off towards Lucia, who was stood under a large rope swing that I didn't recognise from my last visit here. The music had been going for at least forty seconds now and the package felt like it was down to it's last layer; I had felt the edges of a box's plastic almost bursting through the thin cocoon of wrapping paper. I resigned myself to not winning the prize and shrugged. It was James's birthday, not mine.
Abruptly, and in the middle of an elongated 'now', Freddie Mercury's voice went quiet and Hanien, who had been running towards Eliphia, stumbled to a stop.
"Well, go on," Benedict urged, "Open it."
Hanien tore through the paper with enthusiasm and let it fall to the ground. She stared in wonder at the flat cuboid in her hand and turned towards Benedict, who was up the climbing frame. Her face split in a wide, wondering smile.
"How did you... ?" Hanien tailed off.
Benedict shrugged modestly and pointed beside him at the polaroid camera he'd used earlier to take a photo of us all.
"What is it, Hanien?" Annisa shouted.
Hanien brought it around the circle to each of us in turn. The cuboid was an A5 photo frame that appeared to be handpainted on the back with the school's coat of arms in bold red, yellow and blue. The picture contained was the one Benedict had taken of all of us just after the flying fox. The most impressive aspect, however, was the frame's thick edge. It was lined with words we had said of each other, words we'd said of James, words James had said of us. I saw my own words, about how glad I was that James existed because he'd unwittingly brought me together with some of my closest friends.
I smiled at Hanien and she smiled back and moved on to James, who enfolded her into a hug. I sighed and turned to see Benedict standing beside me, beaming with glee.
"That was amazing, Benedict," I murmured.
"Well, I know that James is important to all of you, so I figured today was too," Benedict shrugged.
"Yes but you must have been preparing that since we got here. Did you just note down everything we said?" I asked.
"Sort of, yes," Benedict nodded, "To tell you the truth, I'm glad James didn't win. This was for all of you."
"Well, thank you," I smiled, "That was an incredible gift. You're a great friend."
"Hey, have you ever had a crush on me?" Benedict asked jokingly.
Before I could reply, or run off to the next area to hide from the awkwardness, I heard a rustling in the trees. Benedict turned around to face the sound and screwed up his eyes to try to spot what had made the sound. He shot me a warning look and held his finger to his lips like he had when I'd spotted him with the cake. I didn't think he was planning a surprise for James this time.
I pointed at the line of dense trees and moved my arms to mime going forward. Benedict bit his lip and looked towards James, who had moved forward towards us, apparently having also heard the noise. By the time Benedict made to reply with sine sort of gesture, everyone had moved forward into a crowd around us. We shuffled forward in a clump, still quite relaxed because it was entirely possible the noise was the result of a rabbit, or a fox.
Then it came again and, collectively, we tensed. We were all rooted to the spot as a figure emerged from behind the trees. I heard Eliphia and Lucìa gasp with me as we recognised the long hair of Jan Warren. It was tangled and as she stepped out of the trees, a leaf tumbled from it to the grond, but her face was recognisable and this was undoubtedly Jan. She stumbled towards us, barely batting an eyelid as her gaze swept past James. I'd have joked that she must not be feeling well to pay that little attention to James, if I hadn't known that there was a much larger problem in Jan's life than an illness, or the sniffles.
"Jan," Eliphia croaked.
"Jan?" James repeated, startled.
"I have literally dreamt of you saying my name," Jan told him, "But I wish more than anything that you weren't here right now."
"Why?" I asked, fearing the answer, "It's me, Joanne, by the way."
"Hi." Jan smiled weakly. "Look, I don't know how to tell you. Let me just show you."
We stood rigid and tense until Benedict cleared is throat and pointed mutely towards the picnic table on which James's cake had sat. Everyone trudged toward the table and when we reached it, James motioned for Jan to sit while the rest of us crowded round.
"Wait," I frowned, "Where's Tara?"
"That's what I'm going to show you." Jan gulped.
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