"We have to find him!" James exclaimed, "If we let him do this, I could end up wanting to kill my own wife and child!"
It obviously hadn't occurred to him that the rest of us would be converted into an army of drones that would stop at nothing to destroy him. I suspected we'd go after each other too. It probably wasn't only romantic love that Paul could target. I gulped as I realised that I might find myself trying to burn some of my favourite books - particularly John's. I'm a nerd. My entire lifestyle depends on loving things excessively.
"Where on Earth would we start?" Michael shrugged his scepticism and slumped his shoulders.
"Well, Scotland," James retorted, "The county of Dumfries and Galloway! He can't have got that far. Jan, where was he when you last saw him?"
Jan murmured something in her sleep and it was only then that we all realised that she was actually asleep. James placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. She groggily slid her eyelids open and blinked a few times.
"Jan," James repeated, "Where was Paul when you last saw him?"
"Um ..." Jan whispered, "There was little cave ... and loads of bikes were flying past."
"The mountain-bike trail!" I exclaimed, "It's just opposite the Go-Karts!"
"No," Jan murmured, "Not here, Jo. I've walked for miles. I took a bus at one point. He's miles away. Did you really think he wanted to meet you here? Did you really think he was telling the truth?"
"Why would he lie?" Eliphia asked.
"Have you never heard of an ambush?" Jan returned wearily, "He has a bunch of drones out there. I think I might have known some of them from the JMFC."
James made a strangled choking sound and staggered away from Jan. He paced around and circled back.
"You're telling me that he has used my fans' happiness to make them hate me?" James spluttered.
"Yes," Jan whispered, "Hold on ... I think I remember something. He said to tell Joanne and Tom to bring bat'leths."
I snapped my head to face Tom, whose brow had furrowed into a deep 'V'.
"The Klingon battle blade?" James asked, incredulous, "What does that have to do with cycl- Oh!"
"The Seven Stanes!" I cried.
Tom smacked his forehead and exclaimed, "Glentress!"
James, Tom and I darted towards the tunnel, picking our way like mountain goats over roots and branches and stumps. It was only as we pelted into the tunnel that we realised we hadn't explained anything to anyone. James swirled round to face the group who, touchingly, had followed us blindly from the obstacle course.
"It's a Forestry Commission game," James explained, "There are seven sets of mountain-bike trails arranged by the Forestry Commission around the country. In each forest there is a stone - or Stane - hidden on one of the trails. The one at Glentress is big and craggy -"
"- And covered in Klingon," Tom finished, "That must be where Jan and Paul and the rest of his army are."
"Who would have thought my Major Fandom could be such good use!" James cried, with a giddy grin streaking across his face.
We skittered around the park, thundering along the bouncy bridge with such force that I felt sure we would shatter it. James signed a clipboard at the front desk to say he had taken his group back to the site and we bundled into the Internet School van. Michael drove and John Green sat in the front. James stayed in the back with us and Benedict to explain more about Glentress.
"The routes are split into colour groups," said James, "But I've forgotten which colour is which."
Tom spoke in a monotonous rumble and we could sense the nerves tumbling out of him. "Green is beginner. Blue is moderate. Red is difficult. Black is severe."
"Severe?" Hanien asked worriedly.
"Yes, many injuries," I confirmed, "But the Stane is on the ascent to Betty Blue - so moderate."
"Isn't it just below Spooky Wood?" James asked. He cocked one eyebrow at an unnatural angle like he had with his infamous 'If anyone's giving... ' line. I smiled at him despite the knowledge that the very same gesture could soon make me want to kill him.
"Yes," I replied, "But it's also just above Betty Blue."
James nodded. We all gulped air and shuddered, waiting anxiously for the moment when, finally, Michael announced we had reached the campsite. James swallowed an allergy pill and we plodded out of the van, towards our bikes.
It obviously hadn't occurred to him that the rest of us would be converted into an army of drones that would stop at nothing to destroy him. I suspected we'd go after each other too. It probably wasn't only romantic love that Paul could target. I gulped as I realised that I might find myself trying to burn some of my favourite books - particularly John's. I'm a nerd. My entire lifestyle depends on loving things excessively.
"Where on Earth would we start?" Michael shrugged his scepticism and slumped his shoulders.
"Well, Scotland," James retorted, "The county of Dumfries and Galloway! He can't have got that far. Jan, where was he when you last saw him?"
Jan murmured something in her sleep and it was only then that we all realised that she was actually asleep. James placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and whispered something in her ear. She groggily slid her eyelids open and blinked a few times.
"Jan," James repeated, "Where was Paul when you last saw him?"
"Um ..." Jan whispered, "There was little cave ... and loads of bikes were flying past."
"The mountain-bike trail!" I exclaimed, "It's just opposite the Go-Karts!"
"No," Jan murmured, "Not here, Jo. I've walked for miles. I took a bus at one point. He's miles away. Did you really think he wanted to meet you here? Did you really think he was telling the truth?"
"Why would he lie?" Eliphia asked.
"Have you never heard of an ambush?" Jan returned wearily, "He has a bunch of drones out there. I think I might have known some of them from the JMFC."
James made a strangled choking sound and staggered away from Jan. He paced around and circled back.
"You're telling me that he has used my fans' happiness to make them hate me?" James spluttered.
"Yes," Jan whispered, "Hold on ... I think I remember something. He said to tell Joanne and Tom to bring bat'leths."
I snapped my head to face Tom, whose brow had furrowed into a deep 'V'.
"The Klingon battle blade?" James asked, incredulous, "What does that have to do with cycl- Oh!"
"The Seven Stanes!" I cried.
Tom smacked his forehead and exclaimed, "Glentress!"
James, Tom and I darted towards the tunnel, picking our way like mountain goats over roots and branches and stumps. It was only as we pelted into the tunnel that we realised we hadn't explained anything to anyone. James swirled round to face the group who, touchingly, had followed us blindly from the obstacle course.
"It's a Forestry Commission game," James explained, "There are seven sets of mountain-bike trails arranged by the Forestry Commission around the country. In each forest there is a stone - or Stane - hidden on one of the trails. The one at Glentress is big and craggy -"
"- And covered in Klingon," Tom finished, "That must be where Jan and Paul and the rest of his army are."
"Who would have thought my Major Fandom could be such good use!" James cried, with a giddy grin streaking across his face.
We skittered around the park, thundering along the bouncy bridge with such force that I felt sure we would shatter it. James signed a clipboard at the front desk to say he had taken his group back to the site and we bundled into the Internet School van. Michael drove and John Green sat in the front. James stayed in the back with us and Benedict to explain more about Glentress.
"The routes are split into colour groups," said James, "But I've forgotten which colour is which."
Tom spoke in a monotonous rumble and we could sense the nerves tumbling out of him. "Green is beginner. Blue is moderate. Red is difficult. Black is severe."
"Severe?" Hanien asked worriedly.
"Yes, many injuries," I confirmed, "But the Stane is on the ascent to Betty Blue - so moderate."
"Isn't it just below Spooky Wood?" James asked. He cocked one eyebrow at an unnatural angle like he had with his infamous 'If anyone's giving... ' line. I smiled at him despite the knowledge that the very same gesture could soon make me want to kill him.
"Yes," I replied, "But it's also just above Betty Blue."
James nodded. We all gulped air and shuddered, waiting anxiously for the moment when, finally, Michael announced we had reached the campsite. James swallowed an allergy pill and we plodded out of the van, towards our bikes.
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